Afterdark Horror Fest Zombies Of Mass Destruction

The Afterdark Horrorfest is often hit and miss, but like a train wreck I have to keep watching. Thankfully they were smart enough to give us this little gem.
Zombies of Mass Destruction 
The production value is acceptably high from a very low budget film. There is an appropriate amount of gore for the average zombie flick. In fact, visually this is a very average zombie film. Since there are already hundreds of average zombie films, why am I wasting more time than it takes to type "AVERAGE" or "MOSTLY HARMLESS"? It's because of the script. I laughed my ass off. I haven't enjoyed out of place lines this much since Shaun of the Dead or Black Sheep.
Let's start with the typical setup. Big town girl returns to small town to help her father with his restaurant. Another big city guy returns with his boyfriend to tell his mother that he's out of the proverbial closet. Boring, boring cliche. Stir in Zombie Holocaust. Then everyone boils down to raw stereotypes in a way that I haven't enjoyed in years. You almost feel dirty laughing at some of this. There is an over the top minister that is convinced that the zombies are the impure getting what they deserve. A redneck family whose abusive patriarch decides to capture the local Iranian woman to torture her since this is obviously terrorism. Let's not forget the genius of the dialog. One man is asked why he doesn't know how to handle the zombies. Hadn't he ever seen a zombie movie? His response? He's more of a vampire guy.
Zombies of mass Destruction also gets bonus points for the greatest senseless line in modern film history "Don't shoot I'm gay!"
For the price I think any comedy horror fan of a B film level will find something to enjoy.

Amusement

A boy with an unusual sense of humor gets rejected by three girls in school due to a truly bizarre project. Flash forward and the boy wishes to get bloody, violent revenge. The antagonist reminds me of Dr. Giggles while some scenes appear to be as thought out as Saw. Unfortunately this film doesn’t know what it wants to be. There is an attack in the beginning by an assailant in a clown suit, which is quickly forgotten. After that, bodies are stitched into beds at a large hostel, hospital, or hotel. The three main women are terrorized in a glass enclosure with moving walls and posed victims.

This film suffers greatly from an identity crisis. The creative team needed to pick a direction and roll with it. The cast is solid and the effects are good. If there had just been a clean cut direction or theme for the film it would have been twice as good.

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 5 (the hyena laughter of the baddie matched with the attack by clown at the beginning makes it a somewhat campy endeavor whether it was intended or not)

Gore – 5 (while there is some decent gore, some appears to be just a ruse)

Creep Factor – 1 (if you have a deep irrational fear of clowns or psychotic laughter, this film may make your skin crawl, but for the rest of us this is a 1)

Nudity/Sex – 0 (the main character is no good with the ladies. This is the basic premise. The implication is that there is no nudity or sex needed)

Jump Scenes – 1 (again, the clown may get you if you are of the right mindset)

Verdict: With a more targeted killer this film could have been good. Unfortunately, the same drive and motive was explored more successfully, and with a better ending, in the film Valentine.

Automaton Transfusion

What if… we had zombies that were more like Olympic sprint runners than lumbering idiots, some unique editing and bizarre frame rates, or a horror movie with a unique twist that was made in only 9 days? Good news! We have Automaton transfusion to answer all these questions.

Fresh out of film school a trailer project was expanded into a full feature length film. Shot in only 9 days for pennies on the dollar, we were given Automaton Transfusion. We must look at this film in perspective. We cannot compare this film to the huge budget Wes Craven or John Carpenter films. We must instead compare this to the lower budget first films of directors such as Sam Raimi. Is this as entertaining as the Evil Dead? No. Is it a failure? Not by a long shot.

The military is using a small town in an experiment to create the next super soldier. They have a plan to reanimate the dead with speed, organization, and the ability to think. The only reason this idea would fail is in the experience of the creators and the filming budget. With only 9 days to shoot and nothing but friends as cast the result is amazing. Anyone who really wants to trash this film for choppy editing or bad acting should first have to recreate it under the same circumstances.

The acting is flat. The editing is horrible. A note on the editing, I feel the speed changes and speedy cuts were the director’s way to make a camcorder film feel bigger and more expensive. The creative team had the right idea, but not enough experience to make it work. The idea, however, is fresh and inspired. I love the really fast zombies and the tension and suspense built into the simplest of scenes. That said, the characters are sometimes really stupid. For example, a girl locks herself in the bathroom as an entire house party gets slaughtered, in great gore, by zombies. It then takes her 15 minutes or so to even try to escape using the large window. It reminded me of the 5lb bookcase that kept Bruce Campbell pinned down in the Evil Dead. This is an inspired first project and the planned sequel should make us all forget the errors made here.

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 5 (it’s hard to do very low budget without camp)

Gore – 8 (zombies create low budget carnage with some inspired scenes. For the squeamish, there is an edible forced abortion scene)

Creep Factor – 1 (not really that kind of film. Occasionally there is a well lit, tension filled environment)

Nudity/Sex – 0 (as with most first time directors, this project strays away from nudity)

Jump Scenes – 1 (not very tension filled. The editing doesn’t help build tension)

Verdict: Fans of zombie films should rent this. People willing to accept the flaws of first films might want to buy this as I did. Anyone who only likes their films to have a shooting budget over 10 million with stars and a shiny finish probably shouldn’t be reading my reviews and probably shouldn’t watch this one.

Alone In The Dark

There is enough hatred aimed toward poor Uwe Boll on the net already. To this end I will make but two comments. He has never, ever wanted to be Scorsese, and the man made two dreadful mistakes in his early years of directing. He edited cuts of the actual House of the Dead arcade game into the action scenes of the film and he allowed Tara Reid to be cast in Alone In The Dark.

While putting together artifacts from an advanced ancient tribe, many creatures are unleashed upon the world. Christian Slater and his girlfriend Reid get wrapped up in the middle of this just to find out that thanks to a government agency's experiments years ago at Slater's orphanage he is connected to the creatures.

As with Uwe Boll’s entire filmography, this one is based on a video game and feels as real. Christian Slater was kept on a short leash, Stephen Dorff has rare fits of overacting, and Tara Reid was, well, Tara Reid.

Much like Silent Hill and Resident Evil, the Alone in the Dark game had a narrative story structure that would make it an easy transfer to film. Unlike its peers, Alone’s plot is simple and directed with only one real surprise that even the gamers saw coming several hours prior to getting there. With all these flaws, why do I own this film, and why have I watched it more than once?

Even though it deals with things that go bump in the night and there were ample chances to make this a very creepy, dark horror film, it instead got the action treatment. Here’s the rub. It’s easier to make a good low budget horror film than a good low budget action film. This film feels like a throwback to the mid 80s when everyone wanted to make the next Die Hard or Commando. The dialog has flashes of genius. There are some dynamic action scenes that mask the bad the acting with flashy editing. Even Tara Reid only annoys me a third of the time. I love the fact that, on several occasions, when they are being chased by something that can kill them in seconds she is running at half the speed of smell.

I consider this a guilty pleasure film. I like it despite its flaws and I don’t really know why. As a bonus the film introduced a much larger audience to bands like Nightwish and In Flames. This DVD even included a handful of very rare music videos that are, arguably, better than the film.

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 6 (Uwe Boll automatically gets a 3. tara Reid automatically gets 2. The commandos get another 1)

Gore – 2 (so many unused chances)

Creep Factor – 2 (Tara Reid trying act… creepy)

Nudity/Sex – 1 (one tasteful love scene)

Jump Scenes – 2 (even more lost opportunities)

Verdict: I am a gamer. I find myself watching most of Uwe Boll’s films. I enjoyed several. But there are only a couple that I ever go back to. By every standard, this is a horrible film, but I find myself putting it in every few months if for no other reason than to have a few easy smiles from a film that doesn’t require the synapses to fire.

Nightmare Man – After Dark Horrorfest

I love the smell of low budget horror in the morning.

A woman gets a tribal fertility mask, that appears to be papier-mâché, and becomes convinced that a demon named Nightmare man is living inside her. This creature, of course, wants to escape, rape, and gut her (not necessarily in that order). While on her way to be committed to an asylum the car runs out of gas. Her dutiful husband goes off to walk the 20 mile round trip to the gas station while she stays in the car. Somehow, Nightmare Man ends up finding her and chasing her through the woods to a mountain cottage populated by 2 couples playing Erotic Truth or Dare. As the group starts getting picked off in the typical fashion, simple sexual tensions and story arcs play out unimportantly.

As all the characters converge on the cabin, several things become clear. The special effects budget was in the tens of dollars, the main actress must have been a friend of the writer, director, or producer, and that the only actress that makes this ride interesting at all is Tiffany Shepis playing Mia.

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 6 (thankfully, it doesn’t take itself very seriously at all)

Gore – 3 (the deaths are quick, but painful. There was no budget for true gore)

Creep Factor – 1 (there has to be some tension to have a creepy feel)

Nudity/Sex – 7 (the film opens and closes with nudity. The scenes that don’t contain nudity spent one third of the wardrobe costs at Victoria’s Secret)

Jump Scenes – 0 (even the sudden deaths weren’t sudden enough)

Verdict: You need to be a fan of low budget horror to enjoy this one at all. It is an experience for fun loving horror fans only. This one is barely above camcorder budget. If, however, you are a fan of Ms. Shepis then be warned that she shines in this one. The question is whether she was that good or if the rest of the cast was that bad.

The Abandoned – After Dark Horrorfest

Why is this film an After Dark Horrorfest title? This could have been marketed and released as a standalone film.

A woman goes to Russia in an attempt to uncover what happened to her mother 42 years earlier. That is where we are introduced to the film’s incredible 4 main characters. The woman looking for her roots encounters the twin brother she didn’t know existed. There they come across the antagonists, darkness itself and a house that harbors the remains of the angry, violent truth. We have an English language Russian Ju-On.

The darkness truly is a character. The first half of this film is environmental horror at its best. Watch it with the lights out and the surround sound turned up. You will find yourself looking around your own room. The sound and visuals permeate your reality perfectly. This film successfully taps into everyone’s primal fears of the dark and unknown.

After time, the film takes the needed supernatural twist, and here’s the surprise, it doesn’t ruin it. By the time the ghosts of family past appear, we the audience is so vested that we stay along for the ride. The ending, may or may not surprise you. I saw it coming a mile away, but I am also a bitter and cynical film fan with many, many hours wasted in front of a big screen.

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 0 (about as campy as Ju-On)

Gore – 3 (an animal mauling, self bullet removal ala Rambo, and a couple reanimated corpses)

Creep Factor – 9 (This film only works because of its ability to keep you looking around the corners on screen)

Nudity/Sex – 2 (there is a fully nude ghost, and in the grounded spirit of the film, is a thankfully normal looking woman since a big breasted stripper type would have ruined the power of the scene)

Jump Scenes – 7 with surround sound – 3 without (the soundtrack of this film is genius. The production spent their limited funds in the correct places.)

Verdict: If you enjoyed Ju-On, its remake the first Grudge, or Amityville Horror then this is up your alley. Since it is light on gore and heavy on creepy environmental horror it is a great date film for those that can’t handle heavy gore.

Unearthed – After Dark Horrorfest

This is the first of the Horrorfest that feels as though it belongs on the SyFy channel as an original. Let’s see if this rings a bell. There is an exploration of a Native American burial area that unleashes an alien dog-like thing upon a small town in the desert. The townspeople start losing cattle, then each other, and a small group of people that otherwise would not get along band together to take down the beast.

Several things keep this film here and not on SyFy. The local Sherriff is a smaller woman that also doubles as the town drunk. Here conflict between inner and outer demons is rather well done. The creature is actually pretty well done. The wide shots are clearly CG, but the gore and details could have come from the Tom Sevini or KNB special effects book. At least the CG looks better than something put together on a college kid’s Mac book Pro. Finally, while all the usual misfits are represented by a champion, the gruff cattle baron asshole that has it in for our good Sherriff is played by M.C. Gainey. In my humble opinion, adding Gainey to any film immediately makes it better. Unfortunately, the out of place city guy wrapped up in the small town horror is played by Charlie Murphy.

M.C. Gainey + Charlie Murphy = Level Acting Playing Field

The Nitty Gritty: Scale of 0 to 10

Camp Factor – 2 (it can’t help it. It tries to be serious, but the premise and slice of life characters just put it over the top.

Gore – 7 (when it hits, it hits pretty hard, including a quick autopsy performed with a hunting knife)

Creep Factor – 4 (mostly from the oddity of the creature and the good gore effects)

Nudity/Sex – 0 (nope, none. The Sherriff, lead scientist, and uncharacteristically intelligent blonde extra all keep their clothes on as do all the guys, but hey, who wants to see Gainey naked anyway?)

Jump Scenes – 3 (occasionally the creature surprises us, but scenes that should be jump scenes, are ruined by long edits that preview the mayhem)

Verdict: If you are a fan of the weekend lineup on SyFy, you will love this film. If you shy away from those films solely for the hideous acting, rest assured that only Charlie Murphy is down at that level. If you wondered what it would be like if the first Alien film had been handled by lesser actors, by a lesser director, in a much less claustrophobic environment then this film may be right up your alley.